


That night

by ThetenthtenbeingofTen



Series: Luca and Mari [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Love, Comfort Sex, Coming Out, Illustrated, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Incest, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:07:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27803530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetenthtenbeingofTen/pseuds/ThetenthtenbeingofTen
Summary: What is that one secret that Mari never told anyone other than Robin about? What happened that night, that he won't even tell Luca...?...Mari turned his back to the door and stared at the wall. He could still hear everyone celebrating. Even though it was past midnight now, fireworks still whistled and shattered outside the window.Even though the glass Mari imagined he could smell the smoke in the air.Steps stumbled past his door.He sighed and pulled his blanket up over his shoulder. His hands rested limply on the other side of the bed. He wanted Luca.The stumbling steps returned, halting at his door.
Relationships: Lucas Köhler/Markus Köhler
Series: Luca and Mari [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/937116
Kudos: 1





	That night

**Author's Note:**

> This one has been a long time coming. I never dared to write it down until now, and even as I'm ready to post it... I have doubts.
> 
> This is the one untold story between the twins. The one secret between them.
> 
> That being said, please heed the tags. Mari gets hurt tonight, and he doesn't necessarily cope well.  
> There's some ignorant stuff being said by other characters too...
> 
> This is not a pleasant story. But it happened.

"So," Julian said, holding his wife's hand in his own, playing with her fingers. "How're things going?"

Luca shrugged. Julian glanced at Mari, "What about you?"

Mari smiled and shrugged as well.

Julian looked a bit lost, then huffed, "What, nothing? Didn't you have a girl asking you out?"

Mari straightened his back and looked Julian in the eyes.

"No girl," he said.

Julian made a noise. “What are you saying? Sure there was a girl. What was her name? The blond girl!”

“Lilly is a friend,” Mari pointed out. “Just a friend.”

Julian clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“A shame,” he muttered. “And she seemed so earnest too. Why didn’t you give her a chance?”

Mari gave half a smile.

Already Freya and Sigmund, his parents, gave him warning glances, but he ignored them.

"I'm gay," he said with easy confidence.

Julian blinked, taken aback by the announcement.

“Naah… you’re not, are you?”

Mari’s expression didn’t change.

Julian, huffed a laugh, "Really?” He looked to Luca for confirmation, “You knew it already?" he asked.

Luca nodded. "Of course," he added.

Julian glanced at their parents, and both nodded reluctantly.

"Wow, I've got a gay cousin…" Julian laughed.

Senna, his wife put on a smile.

"If you're happy with it," she said nonjudgmentally.

Mari grimaced, but Luca's hand on his arm kept him quiet.

After that, of course the next bout of questions arise. _So, you got a boy? What's it like? Aren't you worried about AIDS?_

Mari responded with non-committal non-answers.

Luca soon stepped in, steering the conversation away from the topic. He knew Mari's patience was limited, and he didn't want the mood to sour before the sun even set.

The topic of food came up, and everyone exchanged their favorite recipes, shared their secret tricks and special ingredients.

Mari laid back for most of the conversation, as Luca was clearly the better cook among the two of them. Mari loved him for it.

He quietly slipped his fingers under Luca's sleeve, caressing his wrist.

Just as people started complaining, that all this talk about this and that delicious meal or dish was making them hungry, great-aunt Erica announced that dinner was ready.

It was one hell of a meal, with multiple dishes per course, and naturally wine to accompany it all.

Mari drank one glass for the sake of protocol, then stuck with water. Luca accepted one or two more, then refused as well.

Around them everyone got more and more chatty and playful. The women gossiped shamelessly about this and that, while the men started to get into the _real_ and _serious_ topics like sports, politics and philosophy.

Before long the twins decided that there was no point in staying any longer, so they left, going to Mari's room to kill some time.

They came out to join the count down into the new year, hugged and cheered with everyone, then retired for the night. Apart this time, to calm their parents.

After all, think of the horrible things they could do in there at night…

Mari undressed, putting on the shirt and sleeping pants he'd brought, then settled in his old bed. 

After all this time their parents still kept his and Luca's rooms as they were. Knowing them, they probably liked imaging their sons were still there, innocent as ever.

Well too bad that illusion fell apart a few years ago.

Mari turned his back to the door and stared at the wall. He could still hear everyone celebrating. Even though it was past midnight now, fireworks still whistled and shattered outside the window.

Even though the glass Mari imagined he could smell the smoke in the air.

Steps stumbled past his door.

He sighed and pulled his blanket up over his shoulder. His hands rested limply on the other side of the bed. He wanted Luca.

The stumbling steps returned, halting at his door.

Mari closed his eyes and evened out his breath.

The door was opened and Mari hoped whoever was coming inside would leave him alone. He could tell it wasn't Luca. He just knew.

The steps came even closer, and Mari was about to make a fuss, when the intruder - seemingly sensing Mari's intention - pressed his knee into Mari's back.

Immediately he struggled, attempting to push himself up onto his elbows, but his attacker was faster. He caught Mari's wrists and twisted both of his arms back, his knee still pressing into Mari's spine.

Adrenaline coursed through Mari's body. He grunted, using his core muscles to resist… against the weight and strength of a fully grown man though, it wasn't enough.

The knee on his back shifted. In the blink of an eye Mari freed an arm and started clawing at the hands holding him down.

His arms were free! He wanted to scream, but as he inhaled his face was pressed into the pillow by a hand in his nape.

Mari's heart clenched, panic gripped him. His neck hurt from the blunt fingers digging into his skin. He'd never felt so helpless.

He didn't even know for sure who was attacking him! And it only got worse as whoever sat atop him now reached for his blanket with his free hand, pulling it aside to reveal Mari's waist and back. 

_No! No, no, no! Fuck, no…!_ , Mari screamed in his head, unable to lift his face far enough to even breathe.

The hand slipped under his shirt, feeling up his back, outlining his shoulder blades before trailing down his spine… to the waistband of his pants.

Mari bucked and twisted harder, hands tearing at the arm holding him down.

He didn't really feel it as his pants and underwear were pulled down, all his mind could focus on, was the warm, alcoholic breath brushing over his ear, the increased weight on his back.

“You did this to yourself…” Julian said.

A bottomless sob erupted from Mari’s chest, as he struggled once more, despair urging him to just… stop this from happening; stop this from going any further…

But he could already feel his cousin grinding into him from behind, his belt and jeans chafing against his skin.

He shuddered.

Julian kneaded his butt, nails digging into his skin as he panted into his ear.

“This… you did this…” he accused breathlessly and his hand withdrew from Mari.

Mari’s heart lurched, his stomach followed, as did his entire _soul_ when he heard - or rather felt - Julian undoing his belt, the cold, metal buckle tapping Mari’s skin, startling him. What came next, Mari felt too.

He struggled again with all he had. But fuck, he was only twenty, he was notoriously thin and … and _fuck…_

He froze dead, when he felt warm flesh hitting his back.

In his mind a single thought echoed on repeat.

_NO_.

NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONOOO!!!  
  
He kicked his legs and struggled to push himself up, but Julian put his free hand on Mari’s shoulder now, pushing him down with his full weight.

With a sinking feeling in his gut Mari understood that there was no escaping this. All he could do was resist now.

He grit his teeth and clenched his body as hard as he could. He’d sooner tear himself to pieces with the tension of it all, than let this happen.

Julian was beyond caring at this point.

Mari felt his half-hard member grinding into the cleft between his buttocks, pressing and nudging to no avail.

His conscious mind started to narrow down into a shallow pond, as he started to feel the effects of asphyxia setting in.

His focus remained on that singular, desperate need to keep Julian from taking this one thing from him… from _Luca…_

Everything else started to fade.

Julian’s panted words… the feeling his hand roaming his back… even the need to scream for Luca… it all faded away.

All that was left was the _need_ to resist.

Behind Mari, Julian was getting frustrated. He tried again to force his way inside, but failed.  
He growled something Mari couldn’t hear anymore and pressed his cock between Mari’s thighs instead.

Mari didn’t have the strength to fight anymore.

Slowly… the shallow pond that was his consciousness faded into a little puddle… and slowly… that puddle drained away as well.

His muscles started to spasm as his mind flickered on and off like a candle in a gust of wind.

Resist.

resist.

resist

…

  
  


Mari couldn’t tell how much time passed when he came to.

He must have instinctively turned his head to the side once he was free, as he finally was able to breathe again.

For a few moments, he just laid there, eyes closed, body limp; just breathing.

He isn’t sure how long he spent like this, just breathing, but slowly, he starts to feel his body again.

The dull pain in his nape, the stabbing ache in his chest… the knotty, twisted discomfort in his stomach…

He tried to push himself up on his elbows and collapsed immediately, as pain flared all throughout his shoulders.

Frustrated tears pooled in his eyes. He needed to… he needed to fix this.

He had no idea what even happened after he blacked out…!

He grit his teeth and tried to move his legs.

This was more successful. His thighs trembled with the mere effort of shifting slightly, but it wasn’t as painful as he’d feared.

Okay… okay. He could do this.

He took a deep breath, then slowly let it out, counting to three in his mind.

Then, he pushed himself up on all fours.

A fresh wave of tears streamed down his cheeks. He bit his lip so hard he tasted blood.

For a moment he stayed like this, on all fours, his face hidden against his forearms, then he gathered his strength again and carefully climbed off the mattress.

He straightened his legs… then his back and lastly, lifted his head.

He was okay.

He would be okay… 

He would recover… in time.

Taking a deep breath now, Mari started to examine himself, checking how bad things were. He could feel warm streaks on the side of his hip and butt, where Julian had pressed his fingers into his skin. Those would heal.

He carefully felt around more… his fingers grazed something sticky… crusty… drying.

He took a shuddering breath and bit back a sob.

He needed to get this off his skin immediately! His pants and underwear were barely hanging onto his thighs at this point, and he stripped out of them hastily. He wiped his back clean as best as he could with the bunched up fabric. He still felt filthy… 

He took off his shirt too. He wanted to inspect the bed too, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at it, so he turned away. He needed to clean himself off without anyone hearing…

Looking around Mari decided to try going to the bathroom for now. He took a clean shirt - one of the few he still had left here - and opened his door carefully.

If anyone was out there… he’d hide.

But nobody was up anymore. The apartment was dead silent.

The hallway was dark and empty; only now did Mari even notice the faint light coming in from the window above his bed.

How much time had passed…?

He had no idea.

He didn’t care.

He crept into the hallway and into the bathroom, locking the door behind himself once the little lamp flickered on.

At last… he felt a bit safer.

He allowed himself a moment to breathe, to relax for a second, then sprang into action. He stuffed his clothes into the laundry, making sure to bury them among the others.

Afterwards he stood there for a bit, lost almost, then he found himself again. He washed his hands thoroughly, dried them off and looked in the mirror.

  
  


He looked fine.

His eyes were a bit reddened and swollen, but not so bad he couldn’t disguise it.

The rest of his body… was okay too. The fingerprints would fade in time… he only had to hide them until then.

This wasn’t irreparable. He could survive.

He took a deep breath, then went to grab a few sheets of toilet paper. He wet them a little and started wiping down his back.

He twisted his torso as much as he could, trying to see in the mirror where stains were left, trying to feel for the telltale texture stuck to his skin and scrubbed away anything that felt remotely suspicious.

After his back was clean, he threw the filthy wad of toilet paper into the toilet and tore off another bunch.

This time… he had to steel himself before cleaning himself. He hadn’t checked _there_ yet. He could only hope that the lack of stinging pain meant that there was no… no nothing.

He wet the toilet paper again and settled one foot on the rim of the bathtub… then reached behind himself, probing delicately.

He felt that same sticky texture, but no pain. His heart pounded in his chest, and he threw the toilet paper into the toilet, instead using his fingers to check.

He wasn’t sure what he was hoping to feel… or _not_ to feel, but in the end, he felt calmer.

He wiped himself down as much as he could one more time, then washed his hands again.

Giving himself another look in the mirror, he decided to wash his face too, washing away the tears on his cheeks and dried blood from his mouth.

He felt… okay.

He’d live.

At last he felt clean enough. He picked up the shirt he’d brought along and put it on. He looked in the mirror one last time… then turned off the light, unlocked the door and went into the hallway again.

He looked at the door to his room… then turned away and instead went to Luca’s room.

He didn’t knock or announce himself any other way. He knew Luca would recognize him without needing to even see him.

Closing the door behind himself without making a sound, Mari stepped inside. He stood there for a moment, a step away from the door, and looked at Luca.

Luca… who slept peacefully, curled up on his side, arms limply reaching for a person who wasn’t there.

Mari bit his lip, swallowing tears.

He was okay.

He stepped closer to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress. “Luca,” he whispered.

Luca’s eyes opened immediately.

“Mh?” he hummed and wrapped his arm around Mari’s waist. Mari smiled down at Luca, stroking the warm arm that held him.

“Move over,” he said.

Luca needed no more prompting, shifting to the side and flipping back the blanket for Mari to join him.

Mari slipped into bed with Luca, who only now noticed Mari’s attire. He raised an eyebrow. Mari shook his head and snuggled into Luca’s side, tangling his naked legs with Luca’s.

Luca looked unconvinced, but wordlessly wrapped his arms around Mari, holding him close.

Mari hid his face in the crook of Luca’s neck, inhaling the familiar scent of his twin… the scent that calmed him most in the world.

Luca slowly stroked Mari’s back through the shirt… kissed his temple… his cheek. He nosed Mari’s hair away from his ear, then kissed the shell of his ear…

Mari shivered, almost writhing as his body tingled for a few moments… then relaxed.

“Luca…” he whispered into Luca’s neck, “Luca… Luca…”

Deep down Mari wondered, if he felt the need to call Luca’s name now, because earlier… he hadn’t been able to.

He wondered, if Luca would understand, if he would hear the despair in his voice, even if that despair was long gone…

Suddenly he was scared.

What if Luca ever found out…? No way… no way. He couldn’t.

Mari pushed himself up and pressed his lips to Luca’s.

Luca met him easily, cradling Mari’s cheek as he deepened the kiss.

_What if he tastes the tears… what if he tastes the blood…?_ , Mari wondered, but it was okay. Luca held him close, gently turning them over to settle Mari on the bed. When he pulled away, he did so slowly, allowing his lips to linger, sharing Mari’s breath…

“I’m here, Mari,” he whispered and pecked Mari’s lips again, before pulling away fully. He looked down at Mari, his eyes soft.

Mari’s bottom lip trembled, and for a moment he was terrified he might tell him after all… but then… instead he said, “Closer.”

He reached up, pulled Luca down by the shoulders, “Closer, Luca. Hold me,” he demanded.

Luca did so, holding himself up on an elbow, his free arm coming to reach around Mari’s waist. Chest to chest, waist to waist, hip to hip… 

“Closer, Luca,” Mari repeated.

“Any closer and I’m crushing you,” Luca said softly.

Mari blinked.

Luca pecked his forehead.

“I won’t do anything tonight,” he told Mari.

Mari opened his mouth to protest, barely finding the breath to fuel his voice… then… he gave up.

For a moment he stared blankly up at Luca.

Then he tried again.

“But I … this once, Luca. This once. I don’t care. Please.” He begged.

Luca shook his head and swallowed hard.

“Mari, I’m not blind,” he pointed out.

Mari’s fingers curled into Luca’s shirt, tearing at it.

“I know you’re not. I’m telling you. _This once._ Please. Please, just… look past it.”

With a sigh, Luca shook his head again, leaning in this time. “You know I can’t ever look past you,” he said, lips brushing Mari’s ear. He kissed his way down Mari’s neck, keeping his arm under Mari’s neck, the other free to explore the familiar contours of his body.

Mari nodded. “I know. I know… Luca…” He tangled his fingers in Luca’s hair, his caresses apologetic.

Luca kissed him again, licking into Mari’s mouth. Of course he tasted the blood, he tasted the salt of Mari’s tears.

He looked past them for now.

He reached deeper, taking away all the words and thoughts Mari could have otherwise had about what happened… all the things that hurt him… be they dreams, memories or just… unbidden thoughts…

He ate them all and left only his own love behind.

Mari melted under Luca’s touches, relaxing at last. He cried from the sheer relief of it all.

When Luca pushed into him, he welcomed him, he held him closer, quietly gasping for more.

He held Luca in his arms as he shuddered, breathing Mari’s name like a prayer, thrusting once… twice more… before slumping heavily.

Mari came in Luca’s hand.

  
  


… By now the sun had risen far enough to illuminate the world outside.

Luca fetched Mari’s clothes from Mari’s room. They got dressed… then left.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this piece. I hope it wasn't too bad.
> 
> If you thought I did well, I'd love to receive Kudos or even a comment!
> 
> Stay safe out there, be kind to yourself and others. Hold onto hope.  
> <3


End file.
